So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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