Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
