To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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