okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
