I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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