it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i came on her dog
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
