I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize