just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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