I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
