He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
