Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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