Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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