Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
