I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
