i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
