Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
