she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's the barista slut.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
