omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
