I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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