I got chris browned last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
how drunk are you?
Several
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
