Swine flu. Run for my life!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
