There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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