I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
