You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
