I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i believe in u and ur pee
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
