If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
