So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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