is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
