Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
