oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
