Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
