Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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