I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
