He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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