I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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