dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you win again, gameday.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
