god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
