you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
