why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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