I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
