is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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