do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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