Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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