He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
