I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
