apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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