I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
