I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
