I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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