my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
