My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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