I CAN MOONWALK!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
