he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
