i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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