Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
