Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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