PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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