he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize