he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
