Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
