Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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