New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
