Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
