Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
