My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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