addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
