One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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