Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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