i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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