The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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