Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
