moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
