I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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