i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
