Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
