It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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