Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
