Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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