Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
