the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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