about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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