After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
