Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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