Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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