why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
