im drinking this country out of the recession.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
