If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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